saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dicks are not precious.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
