I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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