i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
