And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
