we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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