This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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