yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
