the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize