I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
