i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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