I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
