Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize