When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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