Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
