I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
