I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
