Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
