That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
