i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
