she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
