I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
