Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
