Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
