hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
