a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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