I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize