I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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