Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
