I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so let's talk penis.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
