I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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