I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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