fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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