if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
