hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
