Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
