Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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