Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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