eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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