I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
