I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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