I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
His nipple licking is glorious
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