The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
