and she was petting her beer can
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
