What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
