smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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