Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
