It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
