You made me cry and you don't even care
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
