my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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