a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
