are you still at the devil's house?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
