it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just found a bag of teeth...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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