Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize