I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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