hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
