Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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