I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
