Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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