i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
