and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
