First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
