The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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