Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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