At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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