and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
