She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
