Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
