i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
