i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
