watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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