just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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