I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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