i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
