....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
