OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
