I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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