I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
