It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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