They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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